Lying is the New Black, Part IV
18 U.S. Code § 2381 — Treason
Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.
“It’s Donald calling Keith (Olbermann) again.”
“Donald, you have to stop this.”
“I can’t. This is bigger than anything I’ve ever done. It’s like four Trump Towers one on top of the other. It’s huge. Never anything bigger.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Hillary Clinton, Hillary the Liar, is going to be tried for treason for talking to the Russian ambassador while she was a candidate about overturning Obama’s sanctions.”
“Donald, what is wrong with you? What kind of stupid is that? It was you and your bunch, Flynn the Crazy and Sessions the Bigot and the rest who did that. That was treason. Even you, as shortsighted as you are, knew to get rid of Flynn.”
“I did and his son before him. Now he was a doozy. Reminds me a bit of Donald Jr.
“Well, she did something worse. She had the debate questions before the debate started. She could have studied up. Keith, that’s jail time, hard time in a maximum-security federal prison. That’s why she’d been hanging out in the woods, getting her last gasps of fresh air.”
“Donald, Donald, Donald.”
“OK.OK. That’s not what I really wanted to talk about. It’s that Mike Pence guy. What am I doing with him? I’ve been bullshitting about all this homophobia and transgender stuff because it suits me. Half the people I know In New York are gay or lesbians or trans and everything else. Roy Cohn was my best bud and he was as gay as a maypole. But Pence, he believes this shit. And being against abortion and carrying a bible and doing all that terrible stuff to people, well, I can be pretty mean when I’m provoked which happens a lot, that’s not me. I’m a good-time party boy who likes beautiful busty women and a good time.
“Do you know how many abortions I’ve paid for, not even counting the ones I was responsible for? I mean, look, I’m even in an ad that calls for the continued funding of Planned Parenthood health screenings.”
“Donald, in less than three months, including February which is a short one, you have become the most corrupt president ever. You might even, before you are through, make Putin seem like a piker.”
“Yeah, he is a little bit fishy. Ha ha. I love America where a president can get even richer in office.”
“So Donald, what about all these people on your team having contact with, talking diplomacy before you were elected and actually held office, who made loads of money from, who might have helped hack the Democratic presidential campaign even though the Russians don’t need help in the hacking arena? You know that some might call what they were doing treason?”
“Keith, no one cares about that stuff anymore. If Watergate happened now it would be a big yawn. People care about things that matter, like their health care.”
“So what do you think will happen when all those lower middle and middle class who voted for you find out how you are going to screw them over with your health care proposal?”
“They are going to thank me. I’ve operated my business for years with lying, deceit, not paying bills, suing everyone who even makes a sideways face at me. Take my Trump University. Total scam. Yeah, I settled for $25 million on the tuitions I collected to leave the students in the same place as when they came in but do you know how much I made?
“So they get less for more money; isn’t that the point? And wait until we get to taxes. Their asses will be so sore they won’t be able to sit for weeks when they pay more and people like me pay so much less and we get more and they get less.
“This is kickass.”
“Donald, your healthcare bill was brought up to a vote. There were not enough Republicans voting for it for it to pass. This was the art of the no deal.”
“Keith, what are you talking about? It passed. Overwhelmingly. Check Breitbart. You’ll see.”
“You are crazier than a bedbug, the mascot of your hotels.”
“Maybe there are some bedbugs in my hotels. They come with a lot of the diplomats from Arab countries who stay at them.”
“You are a piece of work. By the way, this is our last conversation.
“But back to your healthcare bill. You might say that 24 million Americans, for the moment, were saved from imminent disaster by the Freedom Caucus. The Freedom Caucus, extra-conservative Republican representative, makes ISIS seem like a bunch of minor criminals. They didn’t think that 24 million people losing their health care was any big deal. Donald, you were going to sign that bill just so you could say you won.”
“Winning is a big thing where I come from. If there’s one thing it’s that I’m not a loser. Ever.
“But you know what, Keith? I’m going to honor my campaign promise about health care. So on this day that our interview is published, I am calling for Medicare for all. That’s for every single American and legal immigrant. Medicare for all, to be branded as TrumpCares®.
“And you know what else I’m going to do? Tell the truth about Vladimir and me and the election.”
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“SATIRE IS PEOPLE AS THEY ARE; ROMANTICISM, PEOPLE AS THEY WOULD LIKE TO BE; REALISM, PEOPLE AS THEY SEEM WITH THEIR INSIDES LEFT OUT.” Dawn Powell
This was satire. Sort of.
